Joey Porter, you magnificent bastard! If I had known that the Miami Dolphins were going to thrash the New England Patriots 38-13, and that Joey Porter was going to have 3 sacks in the process, I probably wouldn't have criticized his trash-talking. But, what are you gonna do?
What great moment for a team and fans that have gone through some tough times in the past few years. Is it a fluke? A sign of things to come? I'll have to wait and see, but for now I'm savoring the moment. For now, at least, the Dolphins most certainly do not suck.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
If ever a case of laryngitis was needed...
Okay, confession time...I am a Miami Dolphins fan. It wasn't always so shameful to be a fan. Up until a few years ago, the team usually performed somewhat respectably. But lately, the team has been a major disappointment. I'm still a fan, and at this point I couldn't go in another direction. And, as a side note, I know that the team has performed poorly so letting me know that "the Dolphins suck" is no revelation. I have been paying attention.
I don't know if there is really an appropriate time to talk smack, but I do know that being a loser and talking smack makes for a lethally annoying combination. Enter Joey Porter. Miami picked up this past-his-prime nugget prior to last season via free agency. Never a guy that I liked, I wasn't overly excited when he joined the team. Since his arrival he's been pretty non-existent on the field, but his mouth is still functioning at a high level. His latest blah-blah session was directed at none other than the defending AFC champion New England Patriots, a team that is currently 2-0. The Patriots have lost their starting quarterback, Tom Brady, for the season after suffering MCL and ACL injuries. So, since only 52 of the 53 original roster members are remaining, Mr. Porter feels pretty confident that the 0-2 Dolphins will walk away with their first victory of the season. Yeah, that sounds about right.
The Pats were 19-0 last year before losing the Super Bowl so they are sort of good. Always a low-class organization, they are never afraid to embarrass other teams and really rub it in on their way to 743 -0 victories. Adding fuel to this fire are Porter's comments. Consider this: Miami has lost 20 of it's last 21 games. They lost last week to the always potent Arizona Cardinals, the only team in the league with a friendlier mascot than the Dolphins, 31-10. Joey Porter has a grand total of 8 tackles and 1 sack on a defense that ranks 26th in total yards allowed. Joey Porter is 31 years old with a bum back to go along with his acute case of mouth diarrhea. This is a recipe for disaster which is strikingly similar to the recipe for shut-the fuck-up soup, the main difference being a dash of stupidity (and a pinch of oregano).
The Dolphins don't so much suck this year as they are officially rebuilding. Sure, they aren't a very good football team, but they are young and inexperienced which is different than just plain bad. Joey Porter's value to this football team is diminished greatly by his actions. Being a non-contributor on the field is bad enough, but he is surrounded by young, impressionable guys that can be negatively impacted by the poor example he is setting. Not being productive is one thing, but being destructive is another. It's like the difference between a moth flying around your porch light and a moth in your closet. The one at the porch light can bang his head into that bulb a million times and it doesn't mean squat. The one in the closet can tailor you a pair of assless khaki's and now you have a problem.
Joey Porter isn't going to be shooed out to the porch anytime soon, the Dolphins just don't have the roster depth to be able to pull that trigger. Porter is spitting into the wind and the whole team is getting drenched. In the meantime, shut your pie hole Joey - at least until the 'Fins win one game. Having said all that, my prediction for the game is Miami 72, New England 3 and you can take that to the bank. Suck it Pats, you're terrible!
I don't know if there is really an appropriate time to talk smack, but I do know that being a loser and talking smack makes for a lethally annoying combination. Enter Joey Porter. Miami picked up this past-his-prime nugget prior to last season via free agency. Never a guy that I liked, I wasn't overly excited when he joined the team. Since his arrival he's been pretty non-existent on the field, but his mouth is still functioning at a high level. His latest blah-blah session was directed at none other than the defending AFC champion New England Patriots, a team that is currently 2-0. The Patriots have lost their starting quarterback, Tom Brady, for the season after suffering MCL and ACL injuries. So, since only 52 of the 53 original roster members are remaining, Mr. Porter feels pretty confident that the 0-2 Dolphins will walk away with their first victory of the season. Yeah, that sounds about right.
The Pats were 19-0 last year before losing the Super Bowl so they are sort of good. Always a low-class organization, they are never afraid to embarrass other teams and really rub it in on their way to 743 -0 victories. Adding fuel to this fire are Porter's comments. Consider this: Miami has lost 20 of it's last 21 games. They lost last week to the always potent Arizona Cardinals, the only team in the league with a friendlier mascot than the Dolphins, 31-10. Joey Porter has a grand total of 8 tackles and 1 sack on a defense that ranks 26th in total yards allowed. Joey Porter is 31 years old with a bum back to go along with his acute case of mouth diarrhea. This is a recipe for disaster which is strikingly similar to the recipe for shut-the fuck-up soup, the main difference being a dash of stupidity (and a pinch of oregano).
The Dolphins don't so much suck this year as they are officially rebuilding. Sure, they aren't a very good football team, but they are young and inexperienced which is different than just plain bad. Joey Porter's value to this football team is diminished greatly by his actions. Being a non-contributor on the field is bad enough, but he is surrounded by young, impressionable guys that can be negatively impacted by the poor example he is setting. Not being productive is one thing, but being destructive is another. It's like the difference between a moth flying around your porch light and a moth in your closet. The one at the porch light can bang his head into that bulb a million times and it doesn't mean squat. The one in the closet can tailor you a pair of assless khaki's and now you have a problem.
Joey Porter isn't going to be shooed out to the porch anytime soon, the Dolphins just don't have the roster depth to be able to pull that trigger. Porter is spitting into the wind and the whole team is getting drenched. In the meantime, shut your pie hole Joey - at least until the 'Fins win one game. Having said all that, my prediction for the game is Miami 72, New England 3 and you can take that to the bank. Suck it Pats, you're terrible!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Never (Ever) Forget...Ever!
Heaven help me...I want to stop talking about Sarah Palin, I really do, but I can't. I am not spellbound by her 'also ran' beauty queen smile or her rimless glasses. I'm not entranced by her (artificially) tanned skin or her hockey-mom swagger. I'm not even impressed by her moose hunting escapades or her 2 year tenure as defender of Alaska from the Russian onslaught. No, it's because everyday...everyday...I am subjected to revelation after revelation that this woman is truly a turd.
Why am I stunned that she is now refusing to cooperate with the investigation of her Cheney-esque intimidation and firing of Alaska Public Safety Commissioner, Walter Monegan? Even more stunning are the words of the campaign spokesperson who informed us that Palin would not cooperate because the investigation had been "hijacked" by Obama "operatives". I'm happy to know that I am not the only one (thanks Mel) that realizes that this clever play on words is more than just random terminology. I'm a little tired of the Right constantly invoking references of terrorist attacks and national insecurity at every opportunity and creating opportunities solely for the purposes of doing so.
Well, maybe Barack "Osama" did plot to "hijack" the investigation and "slam a plane" into the side of the McCain/Palin campaign. It's quite likely that these "suicide bomber" tactics are part of a larger plot to give the Obama "terror cell" a political advantage. It's just another attempt by the liberal "insurgency" to "taint the water" of the democratic process. I won't be surprised when a republican mouthpiece one day utters the words: "Taliban dirty bomb Bin Laden Baghdad. And furthermore, WMD sleeper cell September 11th Hussein Islam. Support the troops!" This will undoubtedly result in a chorus of gleeful applause from the bollo tie wearing, 'drill baby drill' crowd. A message to Republicans: Stop Anthrax coating everything!
Before the dust had completely settled after the attacks of September 11th, President Bush's handlers saw fit to arrange the most disgusting photo op of all photo ops. He climbed onto a pile of debris, a pile of debris that quite possibly contained the remains of some poor victim, and stood there with his bullhorn in hand and proceeded to spew more of his sing-song, motivational drivel. Let's face it, he could have said "Viva Las Vegas" and everyone would have cheered and cried and loved him for it. It is the euphoric confusion of that moment that all Republicans yearn for. They consistently attempt to find their own pile of rubble on which to stand and deliver their own message of inspiration through fear. I'm less inclined to follow a 'rubble-humper' than I am to follow the person that I believe can shield me from rubble. My firm belief is that diplomatic relations and dialogue are the methods that we should all embrace as the true paths to (relative)peace. Not intimidation, pointless wars and fear-mongering.
Please McCain/Palin, quit trying to remind me that there is such a thing as terrorism. I know. Your methods are uncreative and reveal your tendency for violent attempts at solution. Do something meaningful and real. Get off the pile.
Why am I stunned that she is now refusing to cooperate with the investigation of her Cheney-esque intimidation and firing of Alaska Public Safety Commissioner, Walter Monegan? Even more stunning are the words of the campaign spokesperson who informed us that Palin would not cooperate because the investigation had been "hijacked" by Obama "operatives". I'm happy to know that I am not the only one (thanks Mel) that realizes that this clever play on words is more than just random terminology. I'm a little tired of the Right constantly invoking references of terrorist attacks and national insecurity at every opportunity and creating opportunities solely for the purposes of doing so.
Well, maybe Barack "Osama" did plot to "hijack" the investigation and "slam a plane" into the side of the McCain/Palin campaign. It's quite likely that these "suicide bomber" tactics are part of a larger plot to give the Obama "terror cell" a political advantage. It's just another attempt by the liberal "insurgency" to "taint the water" of the democratic process. I won't be surprised when a republican mouthpiece one day utters the words: "Taliban dirty bomb Bin Laden Baghdad. And furthermore, WMD sleeper cell September 11th Hussein Islam. Support the troops!" This will undoubtedly result in a chorus of gleeful applause from the bollo tie wearing, 'drill baby drill' crowd. A message to Republicans: Stop Anthrax coating everything!
Before the dust had completely settled after the attacks of September 11th, President Bush's handlers saw fit to arrange the most disgusting photo op of all photo ops. He climbed onto a pile of debris, a pile of debris that quite possibly contained the remains of some poor victim, and stood there with his bullhorn in hand and proceeded to spew more of his sing-song, motivational drivel. Let's face it, he could have said "Viva Las Vegas" and everyone would have cheered and cried and loved him for it. It is the euphoric confusion of that moment that all Republicans yearn for. They consistently attempt to find their own pile of rubble on which to stand and deliver their own message of inspiration through fear. I'm less inclined to follow a 'rubble-humper' than I am to follow the person that I believe can shield me from rubble. My firm belief is that diplomatic relations and dialogue are the methods that we should all embrace as the true paths to (relative)peace. Not intimidation, pointless wars and fear-mongering.
Please McCain/Palin, quit trying to remind me that there is such a thing as terrorism. I know. Your methods are uncreative and reveal your tendency for violent attempts at solution. Do something meaningful and real. Get off the pile.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Justice takes one on the chin...again.
An Arkansas judge today denied the West Memphis 3's request for a new trial in spite of compelling DNA evidence that has been discovered since the original trial process and convictions.
Originally convicted of the murder of three young boys in West Memphis Arkansas, Jessie Misskelley, Jason Baldwin and Damien Echols remain incarcerated with Echols spending his days on Arkansas' Death Row.
It's a compelling story. I suggest you read it if you have not been sufficiently outraged in a while.
I don't know that they are innocent but, at the very least, they deserve a new trial. A trial that actually observes legal protocol and recognizes scientific evidence, not small-town paranoia and prejudice.
I, for one, will feel just a little extra guilt today as I enjoy my life as a free man. Won't you join me?
Originally convicted of the murder of three young boys in West Memphis Arkansas, Jessie Misskelley, Jason Baldwin and Damien Echols remain incarcerated with Echols spending his days on Arkansas' Death Row.
It's a compelling story. I suggest you read it if you have not been sufficiently outraged in a while.
I don't know that they are innocent but, at the very least, they deserve a new trial. A trial that actually observes legal protocol and recognizes scientific evidence, not small-town paranoia and prejudice.
I, for one, will feel just a little extra guilt today as I enjoy my life as a free man. Won't you join me?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Drill, baby, drill!
Who knew that members of the Depatment of the Interior were so adept at 'getting down'?
Federal investigators allege that DOI officials in Denver and Washington engaged in some rather inappropriate activities including: Contract rigging, moonlighting as 'Big Oil' consultants, substance abuse by members operating in official capacities and dirty, dirty sex with oil company employees (contract hookers).
What I find most disturbing about this story, aside from the image of some douchebag beauracrat snorting Colombian bam bam off of a pair of oil company fun bags, is that the DOI has a very crucial responsibility. A responsibility that, when properly charged, ensures the safety and integrity of federally protected lands. Protected lands such as Indian territories, national parks and wildlife refuges.
According to the DOI website, energy projects on federally managed lands and offshore areas supply about 28% of our nation's energy supply. Fantastic. The only thing standing between a protected national park and Old Faithful spewing oil like clockwork is the perfect party. Is DOI Secretary Dirk Kempthorne supporting new energy initiatives for the Outer Continental Shelf doing so because domestic energy production is economically advantageous and necessary for the survival of American society or because oil company officials got him an Asian...yeah, a no shit Asian...his first, and man she was hot! No shit dude, they will do anything! A-ny-thing! He's stoked!
There is no need to search for a word to describe this. Any derogatory superlative will do. I'm going with "disgusting". I am not naive enough to believe that by electing Barack Obama we will completely eliminate inappropriate government behavior. No, it will continue regardless of what poor soul happens to be sitting in the Oval Office. I do believe, firmly, that voting left will at least slow these fuckers down. Invoking sports commentator jargon, we cannot stop them we can only hope to contain them, and hope, though not a policy as a moderately wise OLD man once pointed out, is a beautiful thing.
Here is my gratuitous Palin mention: In May of this year, Governor Palin filed suit againtst the DOI. Sounds good so far, right? She sued them because of their decision to designate the Polar Bear as a threatened species. If Cruella Deville and Old Man River continue to dupe the public into believing that they are indeed the correct choice, we'll soon be hearing fat white guys donning cowboy hats and belt buckles worthy of pugilistic champions chanting "Drill baby seals! Drill baby seals!" And the DOI party bus will roll on and on and on...
Federal investigators allege that DOI officials in Denver and Washington engaged in some rather inappropriate activities including: Contract rigging, moonlighting as 'Big Oil' consultants, substance abuse by members operating in official capacities and dirty, dirty sex with oil company employees (contract hookers).
What I find most disturbing about this story, aside from the image of some douchebag beauracrat snorting Colombian bam bam off of a pair of oil company fun bags, is that the DOI has a very crucial responsibility. A responsibility that, when properly charged, ensures the safety and integrity of federally protected lands. Protected lands such as Indian territories, national parks and wildlife refuges.
According to the DOI website, energy projects on federally managed lands and offshore areas supply about 28% of our nation's energy supply. Fantastic. The only thing standing between a protected national park and Old Faithful spewing oil like clockwork is the perfect party. Is DOI Secretary Dirk Kempthorne supporting new energy initiatives for the Outer Continental Shelf doing so because domestic energy production is economically advantageous and necessary for the survival of American society or because oil company officials got him an Asian...yeah, a no shit Asian...his first, and man she was hot! No shit dude, they will do anything! A-ny-thing! He's stoked!
There is no need to search for a word to describe this. Any derogatory superlative will do. I'm going with "disgusting". I am not naive enough to believe that by electing Barack Obama we will completely eliminate inappropriate government behavior. No, it will continue regardless of what poor soul happens to be sitting in the Oval Office. I do believe, firmly, that voting left will at least slow these fuckers down. Invoking sports commentator jargon, we cannot stop them we can only hope to contain them, and hope, though not a policy as a moderately wise OLD man once pointed out, is a beautiful thing.
Here is my gratuitous Palin mention: In May of this year, Governor Palin filed suit againtst the DOI. Sounds good so far, right? She sued them because of their decision to designate the Polar Bear as a threatened species. If Cruella Deville and Old Man River continue to dupe the public into believing that they are indeed the correct choice, we'll soon be hearing fat white guys donning cowboy hats and belt buckles worthy of pugilistic champions chanting "Drill baby seals! Drill baby seals!" And the DOI party bus will roll on and on and on...
With apologies to Palin, let's put some lipstick on this blog
I have a good reason to be pissed off. I've been saying, "let's put some lipstick on this pig" for years, and now that's been taken away from me.
I think we've all heard about Obama's 'lipstick on a pig' comment and the subsequent uproar, including charges of sexism coming from the McCain/Palin camp.
Seriously, can we lay down some new ground rules? If every comment that questions or seems to question the entire party's ability to run this country is going to be interpreted as an attack against Palin, they need to let us know. I know that Palin made the absolutely hilarious comment that the difference between a hockey mom and a pit-bull is lipstick, a "joke" that references the tenacity of a hockey mom. Overbearing sports parents is a concept we should all be embracing, but setting that aside, is this what it has come down to?
If that's the case, then any statement that questions Obama's ability to lead the nation should be labeled as 'racist'. How dare anyone insinuate that a black man is incapable of being president. Makes just about as much sense.
If Obama's comment is going to be interpreted as an attack - and that's quite a stretch - then shouldn't McCain be the "pig" and Palin the "lipstick"? She's on the ticket now, but Mac is still a pig...seems like the more logical interpretation.
This constant attention that is being given to every little comment, every e-mail and every tiny insinuation that even remotely makes reference to Sarah Palin is further evidence that there is an unwillingness on the part of the Right to discuss anything of any real substance for this entire election period. While Barack Obama was forging his way into history, MaCain tried to force his way into history by choosing Palin as his running mate.
I don't hate Senator McCain, and I know that he is capable of talking about real issues and matters of substance, but the last couple of weeks has been a long uncomfortable detour away from what is real and towards what is petty, inconsequential and downright sublime.
After a convention that included Fred Thompson - sitting comfortably in a glass house with a satchel full of stones - alluding to Obama's celebrity status, Mike Huckabee referencing a Madonna wardrobe change after just finding out about the existence of Madonna 30 minutes prior, and Rudy Giuliani's night at the Republican Improv the enthusiasm of the Right has skyrocketed. The "Straight Talk Express" just ran off the side of a cliff and you know what happened? It sprouted wings and flew. After that shit-fest, McCain jumped well ahead of Obama in the polls and the media and general public have seemingly embraced the Republican ticket.
We'll see what happens. This type of euphoria typically does not last long, and when the Kool-aid runs out and everybody comes back to Mother Earth then, what?
I'll take a wait-and-see approach, but in the meantime I'm going to gather a group of concerned pit bulls that don't like being compared to upstart, moose-shooting, over spending governors of states with less than 75 people. Her comments were canine-ist, and we should all ignore what's of substance and be really, really concerned.
I think we've all heard about Obama's 'lipstick on a pig' comment and the subsequent uproar, including charges of sexism coming from the McCain/Palin camp.
Seriously, can we lay down some new ground rules? If every comment that questions or seems to question the entire party's ability to run this country is going to be interpreted as an attack against Palin, they need to let us know. I know that Palin made the absolutely hilarious comment that the difference between a hockey mom and a pit-bull is lipstick, a "joke" that references the tenacity of a hockey mom. Overbearing sports parents is a concept we should all be embracing, but setting that aside, is this what it has come down to?
If that's the case, then any statement that questions Obama's ability to lead the nation should be labeled as 'racist'. How dare anyone insinuate that a black man is incapable of being president. Makes just about as much sense.
If Obama's comment is going to be interpreted as an attack - and that's quite a stretch - then shouldn't McCain be the "pig" and Palin the "lipstick"? She's on the ticket now, but Mac is still a pig...seems like the more logical interpretation.
This constant attention that is being given to every little comment, every e-mail and every tiny insinuation that even remotely makes reference to Sarah Palin is further evidence that there is an unwillingness on the part of the Right to discuss anything of any real substance for this entire election period. While Barack Obama was forging his way into history, MaCain tried to force his way into history by choosing Palin as his running mate.
I don't hate Senator McCain, and I know that he is capable of talking about real issues and matters of substance, but the last couple of weeks has been a long uncomfortable detour away from what is real and towards what is petty, inconsequential and downright sublime.
After a convention that included Fred Thompson - sitting comfortably in a glass house with a satchel full of stones - alluding to Obama's celebrity status, Mike Huckabee referencing a Madonna wardrobe change after just finding out about the existence of Madonna 30 minutes prior, and Rudy Giuliani's night at the Republican Improv the enthusiasm of the Right has skyrocketed. The "Straight Talk Express" just ran off the side of a cliff and you know what happened? It sprouted wings and flew. After that shit-fest, McCain jumped well ahead of Obama in the polls and the media and general public have seemingly embraced the Republican ticket.
We'll see what happens. This type of euphoria typically does not last long, and when the Kool-aid runs out and everybody comes back to Mother Earth then, what?
I'll take a wait-and-see approach, but in the meantime I'm going to gather a group of concerned pit bulls that don't like being compared to upstart, moose-shooting, over spending governors of states with less than 75 people. Her comments were canine-ist, and we should all ignore what's of substance and be really, really concerned.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Born Again (Not In The Really Stupid Way)
When I originally created this blog, my intent was to channel my outrage and disgust with the current state of affairs in a somewhat constructive manner. A couple of short, unspectacular posts later, and I was winded. When I began to try and catalog specific issues that I wanted to highlight, I realized that it was such an insurmountable heap that I completley lost focus and fell flat.
It felt somewhat like boxing a cyclone -- taking swing after inspired swing at a swirling cluster of ignorance, war, bigotry and plain old hatred, but never connecting. Whiff after whiff until my arms were completely wrapped around my body, not unlike a pre-spinach Popeye attempting to take down a decidedly more capable Bluto.
It was frustrating, to say the least. The dust of the 2004 election had settled and we were well on our way into 4 more years of W. Oh sure, I was somewhat enthused when the dems gained control of congress, but their impotence, lack of will and general incompetence quickly sapped any amount of motivation I had gained. We were in it - deep - and I wasn't going to do a thing about it. I began to realize that, contrary to what I had believed most of my life, general malaise is an acheived condition. I was ready and willing to stop giving a flyin' fat baby what happens. Hell, I've got an Xbox.
Wrong. Recent events have convinced me that we all have a grand opportunity before us. Those of us who are fed up and frustrated have a chance - nay - an obligation to be heard. My vote is the most important weapon that I possess, but I want an entire stockpile of weapons. In the immortal words of Carlito Brigante, "I'm reloaded! Okay? Come on in here, you motherfuckers! Come on, I'm waitin' for ya! What, you ain't comin' in? Okay, I'm comin' out!"
One voice can be heard, but if it is one of a million voices it must be heard. Will one person read this? Will no one read this? I don't care, I'm writing it.
Stick 'em up motherfuckers, we come for what's ours.
It felt somewhat like boxing a cyclone -- taking swing after inspired swing at a swirling cluster of ignorance, war, bigotry and plain old hatred, but never connecting. Whiff after whiff until my arms were completely wrapped around my body, not unlike a pre-spinach Popeye attempting to take down a decidedly more capable Bluto.
It was frustrating, to say the least. The dust of the 2004 election had settled and we were well on our way into 4 more years of W. Oh sure, I was somewhat enthused when the dems gained control of congress, but their impotence, lack of will and general incompetence quickly sapped any amount of motivation I had gained. We were in it - deep - and I wasn't going to do a thing about it. I began to realize that, contrary to what I had believed most of my life, general malaise is an acheived condition. I was ready and willing to stop giving a flyin' fat baby what happens. Hell, I've got an Xbox.
Wrong. Recent events have convinced me that we all have a grand opportunity before us. Those of us who are fed up and frustrated have a chance - nay - an obligation to be heard. My vote is the most important weapon that I possess, but I want an entire stockpile of weapons. In the immortal words of Carlito Brigante, "I'm reloaded! Okay? Come on in here, you motherfuckers! Come on, I'm waitin' for ya! What, you ain't comin' in? Okay, I'm comin' out!"
One voice can be heard, but if it is one of a million voices it must be heard. Will one person read this? Will no one read this? I don't care, I'm writing it.
Stick 'em up motherfuckers, we come for what's ours.
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